Hey,

long time no speak right? yea its been a while. gee, alots happend since january. ive got a job, its good, pays nicely.

erm, im in love with someone, but she doesnt love me.

i miss my friends, i hardly have time to see them anymore. boo hoo yeah?

college, god, im falling behind, need to talk to my teachers and tell them i need help.

thats about all there is to tell really, nothing special going on, my birthday next month, though im not too excited about that.

meh, oh well, talk another time, yeah?

toodles

Last Cut: 22/1/2009

Last Cut: 01-01-09
Last Suicide Attempt: 22/02/08

welcome to 2009. last fuck up was, lets see now, 00:00.

congratulations, you managed to fuck up within a minute of the new year.

gah fucking ear infection. it constantly feels like my left ear is blocked. plus i have a headache that not even 4 ibuprofin can sort out. how the hell am i meant to babysit tonight when i feel like this

"We are male and female. We are artists, athletes, students, and
business owners. We have depression, DID, PTSD, eating disorders,
borderline personalities, bipolar disorder, or maybe no formal
diagnosis at all. Some of us were abused, some were not. We are
straight, bi, and gay. We come from all walks of life and can be any
age. We are every single race or religion that you can possibly think
of. Our common link is this: We are in pain. We self-injure. And we are
not freaks."

Last Cut: 30/11/08

Last Suicide Attempt: 22/02/08

"Kerosene lamp. Belong Jesus. Gone bugger up."

This can also be phrased as.

"Eclipse of the Sun"

dissasoiating, need help. please?
someone......

dads being a cunt. need i say more?

for fuck sake, why does everyone screw me over. yes im talking about you shell. if you knew kissing me would get you in shit with your boyfriend why did you do it anyway?

you dont just kiss somone, tell them you realy like them and then screm them over. its out of order

I'm surrounded by Angels,
I call them my friends.

I'm surrounded by Devils,
I call them my thoughts.

ok well my last cut was 20/10/08 so nearly 2 weeks now!

and my last suicide attempt was febuary.

i would say im doing quite well at the moment.

y'know, apart from the silence thing, but well other then that im ok.

im gonna be myself, and im gonna fail at that too.

i want to be compleately silent. rid the world of my voice. i always hated talking anyway, and every time i talk i feel like its always in an argument. so the questions is would i be better off not talking?

i think if i waited for the right moment, say a big argument with mum i could use that as an excuse?

a pen and paper: my new means of communication?

who would i effect by not talking? everyone.

do i care? NO, i hate everyone.

going for a meal with mum for her birthday....

oh boy, this is gonna be fun

i feel like
a failure. i promised myself that i would keep up to date with all my
college work, because unlike gcses i dont want to fail, and now i have
missed a piece of work and im going to fail one of the units. i feel
like i have let myself down, because i know i could have done it, its
just that ive had a really rough weekend.

im fucked. im gonna fail my first unit at college.

ive had all weekend to do the assignment, but ive been so triggered, and pining for a release, i just couldnt do it, and now im gonna fail the unit